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The Perfect Self Esteem Trap
‘Heaven would be just a little better if there weren’t quite so
many angels playing harps.'
Of course some people do have a wide variety of skills and talents
and still seem to suffer from low self-esteem! You may be a perfectionist
or know somebody who is. You know the idea, ‘Nothing is ever good
enough'
Demanding the impossible from yourself and then falling short is
obviously a trap! Knowing when we have done a ‘pretty damn good
job' and giving ourselves an appropriate level of credit is actually
an important ‘soft skill' (as is taking appropriate responsibility
for our screw ups).
So, if someone wants to have perfect ‘soft skills' then they need
to stop talking to themselves in ways which they wouldn’t even consider
talking to other people.
I remember being stunned when a school friend confided to me how
disappointed he was for only getting 96% in a French test. He said
he ‘should' have got 100%. Our teacher was pleased with him, his
parents were pleased with him but, for him, the losing of that 4%
made the whole exam a failure. I won’t tell you what I ‘achieved'
in the same test but I can tell you I was pleased to have understood
any of it.
It’s great to have high aims and expectations for ourselves but
we need to temper this with an appreciation that we are human.
Self-Esteem - A Summary
So, rather than trying to convince ourselves desperately that we
are worthy of great self admiration through a series of unsubtle
brainwashing, the way towards good self esteem seems to be through
the development of skills, specifically the so called ‘soft skills'.
When we are less self-conscious, less negatively biased and more
open to our own abilities to adapt, progress and develop then we
can have the spare capacity to forget about self-esteem and begin
to enjoy and participate more fully in life.
These skills are what we focus on in our Free Self Confidence and
Self Esteem Course and on our Self
Confidence Trainer CD.
Discuss self esteem on our forum
Return to Psychology Articles
Related: Article on Self Confidence
Late Breaking News... A Startling Self Esteem Study!
A recent study into Self Esteem by the Joseph Rowntree Trust has unearthed some refreshing and helpful facts. Among them is the finding that low self esteem does not lead to delinquency, drug abuse, poor educational performance and the like.
