How a clever wee boy can help you help people quit smoking

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Discover a fundamental principle of human behaviour that makes treating smoking and all addiction so much easier

Sometimes when you talk about quitting smoking to a smoker, you see a look of terror (or defiance!) flit across their features – even if they have explicitly asked for help in quitting.

I had to laugh the other day at a little boy I saw at the Marina. His mum was trying to persuade the little lad, clad in a life jacket he didn’t need, to lend it to another little fellow, who did need it. He wasn’t having any of it, and she gave up. But a moment after she turned away, didn’t the wee lad announce to his mate, “It’s too hot to wear this jacket. You can have it!”

This little boy had just given a lovely demonstration of a principle we have to understand when helping people stop smoking.

I’ll quit smoking – but only on my own terms!

Coming up with his own reason to give up the life jacket, rather than simply ‘doing what he was told’, instantly gave the little boy a sense of autonomy – something that’s vital to all of us.

Similarly, you can’t just tell someone to stop smoking. After all, smoking is built upon rebellion: the smoker rebels against the ‘crap day’, the missed opportunity, the scare story, the tetchy boss and the attempts of a well-meaning do-gooder to get them to quit, by… having a cigarette.

3 questions that will enlist your smoker’s personal autonomy

Smokers know all the reasons why they ‘should’ quit, of course. And if they’ve showed up in your consulting room, at least some of these reasons are likely to have influenced them. But it is still vital that they find a personal reason to stop smoking that carries weight with them, that goes beyond just ‘being a good boy’ (or girl).

To get past the ‘common sense health advice’, I often put questions like this:

• What really inspires you to quit smoking at this point?
• How will you know when you’re really ready to stop?
• What will be the best thing about being an ex-smoker for you?

And I always encourage them to answer in as much vivid detail as possible. The richer the sensory experience they evoke for themselves, the more powerfully compelling it gets.

I went to a hypnotherapist and stopped smoking all by myself

The little boy was able to lend his life jacket when he could feel it was his choice and his idea to do so. When we help people stop smoking, we effectively throw them a life jacket – but it needs to feel right and natural for them to put it on.

You can learn How to Stop Anyone Smoking with Mark Tyrrell on our Smoking Cessation Training Course (online).

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