Hidden in plain sight: how to use the power of exceptions

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3 ways to use exception questions in therapy
– by Mark Tyrrell

Emotional problems demand our attention. They make us focus on them. But to overcome them we ultimately need to direct our attention to not having the problem - and it is the same for your clients.

Your client has within them the capacity to not have their problem.

And it's that capacity we need to identify, nurture and develop so the problem can be assigned to the past as soon as possible.

As well as asking about the problem, I ask clients to tell me in detail about the exceptions - times they don't smoke (or whatever the problem behaviour is). The information they provide starts to form the basis of their escape route away from problematic feelings and actions.

For example, one man told me he didn't feel the need to smoke:

on long haul flights
when visiting a sick friend in hospital
when swimming every other day in his local pool

So although he thought of himself as a 'compulsive smoker', we now have three exception times when the behaviour isn't compulsive at all.

When I used hypnosis with him, I would talk about "getting that swimming pool feeling" during the times he would normally feel triggered to smoke (for example, just before work, with a coffee, after a stressful work-frenzy and so on). This is a vital principle.

Spreading the good stuff

If someone tells me they feel terrified when speaking in groups, I might ask them when and where they feel at their most relaxed. It doesn't matter what answer they give - it might be in their bath tub! Because it's not that they don't know how to experience relaxation, it's just that they haven't (until now) been using that resource where they could be using it.

Hypnosis is the perfect vehicle for spreading a resourceful state from where it already exists to other situations in which it will be massively beneficial.

But you need to identify these resourceful states by asking the right questions. Here are three ways you can find the exceptions to problematic states to help you help your client expand the non-problem areas in their life.

1) Ask about times when the problem pattern doesn't happen

Ask about times they expected to feel angry, or sad, or to blush, or feel terrified when flying, but the feeling just didn't show up for some reason, or not to the degree they were expecting.

What times can you tell me about when you expected to feel embarrassed, but for some reason you just didn't? Really think about this...

When did they notice that they just weren't nervous, or sad, or whatever?

People don't have exactly the same experience every time, so what you are looking for here is times when it's naturally been better.

2) Ask what was different

Then ask:

What exactly was different about that time?

or even

How did you do that? What were you doing differently that time?

This helps to locate client resources as early as possible. And by asking how they did that, you are implying that the improvement was due to their own actions, thus helping them take credit for the good times.

3) Use presuppositions to help pinpoint resourceful exceptions

When you enquire about exceptions, it's great to use presuppositions

A 'presupposition' is a language construct whose phrasing indicates that an occurrence can be 'taken for granted'. It assumes that something will, or is extremely likely to, occur (or to already have occurred).

Presuppositions are a masterful way of communicating because they preclude doubt.

For example:

When do you feel calmer?

presupposes that there are times when they feel calmer, and presupposes a positive identification of such times, and so is preferable to

Are there ever any times when you feel calmer?

which concedes that there may not be such times, and readily allows for a negative response.

More examples of presuppositions to glean those precious exemption times:

Where are you when you find yourself feeling less depressed?

What occasions have you noticed when you expected to feel shy but you actually had a really good time?

In what situations would you be least likely to feel like bingeing?

Dr Milton Erickson believed that: "therapy should always be designed to fit the client, not the client to fit the therapy."

You and I may know all the psychological theory and practice under the sun, but I think we do well to remember that - ultimately - our clients will find the cure from within.

Mark Tyrrell is a therapist, trainer and author and is the co-founder of Hypnosis Downloads, the web's busiest hypnosis site where you can get a cutting-edge hypnosis session for almost any situation.

You can train with Mark Tyrrell from anywhere in the world, on our distance learning therapy courses, in topics such as Learn hypnosis online, Lift depression fast and the Fast Phobia Cure.

You can learn How to Stop Anyone Smoking with Mark Tyrrell on our Smoking Cessation Training Course (online).

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